Of friendships: to sink or not to sink?
I have not done as much reading as I would like to have done for a while now. I haven’t really found a book that held me spell bound. When I read books frequently in the past, I dreaded reading the closing chapters of the book. It reminded me that the fantasy world I had traveled to via the pages of the book were sadly coming to an end. It is the same way I feel about certain movies, I want the story to go on forever and sadly it has to at some point come to an end.
Friendships are sometimes like that, full of so many expectations, you enjoy the company of people, bond, pray, share memories and go to places together. For a minute it seems as if your life is an episode of “girlfriends”, and some nights are spent laughing over indomie noodles, or suya, (not that they ate suya or indomie noodles in girlfriends)but you get the point. You never want it to end, even when some moments become painful, or even when it feels as if certain things are being held back.
When do you know it is time to move on?, and should you even move on? I have had friendships that have lasted well over fifteen years and I still want to be in my sixties, lying on my beach front property and sharing a glass of mojito with my friends, while arguing over what current Nigerian actor is fine/hot.(these things are relative but I am beginning to add having tattoos as attractive). But there have been difficult moments, having to understand that people change and to either accept the changes or to let go of the friendship. I have also been pondering on what makes friendships end? is it selfishness? or do people just really not sync anymore.
The very first friend I ever had was someone I would call Luchi. we were like five and six, had the pictures to prove it, before the hashtags and all. I really liked her and spent time at her house. The end of that closeness came when we both attended the same Secondary School. I am not exactly sure how this happened, but somehow it just didn’t quite turn out the way it should have.
I believe that sacrifices at some point will be made, as well as being able to learn to forgive, and let it GO!. There can be no forgiveness or healing if friends cannot come to a resolution of lingering disputes and issues. And then there is that thing called “sincerity” being able to say whatever needs to be said and everyone putting their big girl pants on and accepting that just maybe the fault lies in them and not everyone else. The latter is harder these days because, we sometimes only want people to make us feel good. The idea that some can criticize or even have a different opinion on what they think your character is seems to be abhorrent.
There is so much emphasis on love as it relates to boy girl relationships and sometimes we forget that love sustains friendships too. It is impossible to fuel friendships without love, because it becomes easier to nitpick, to choose to get offended at every thing that is said and done.
The bible says in the book of 1st Corinthians chapter 13 verse 13, that love is patient and kind, it is not puffed up( there is no element of pride in thinking that you are always right.). It bears all things and hopes for all things. ( I understand this to mean that sometimes, because you love a person you overlook certain things. You do not get upset at every thing that happens. You are hopeful that the friendship will get better, that with time( I have seen what time, and years has done in building my friendships) you actually get to know this person better.
That love bears all things should not be translated to mean you should accept certain kinds of behavior. If a friend is abusive, you need to call them out so they know it is not okay.
In conclusion, let love guide your friendships, and never be afraid to walk away when it is no longer edifying to you.
